The Autism News

Anonymous
Like the quote says… “we arent diovorced, but we dont have a marraige either……” Early intervention phase here…. literally no time or energy for anything but my son, his brother and Autism. Husband??? What husband??? Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Anonymous at 7:52am July 7
It brought us closer than ever. Our son is adorable and so far not too many major problems, however we do sometimes disagree on what is best for him and i think things are going to get tougher as puberty approaches. He is pretty much non verbal and his understanding is very limited so on days when he is stressed and upset it is hard on all of us. I am not sure what the main reasons are for the divorce rate being so high so will be interested to read this

Anonymous
We are still Married….but I tell you, it is very stressful and very hard work. There are times that I want to give up…so much energy is sucked up from my son and his issues and Autism, and my other son, but we work hard to remember each other. ..somedays it works, other days it doesn’t. But we are still trying, one day at a time!

Anonymous at 7:56am July 7
Having a support system/help I think is crucial to make my marriage work.Lucky to hav my mom around so quite often she wil watch our son while I spend quality time with husband.

Anonymous
i can totally undertand how all this can happen, me and my husband have been married 11 years and our son is 9, we are hanging on by the skin of our teeth i often wonder if that is because neither of us could manage our son on our own.
we don’t have a marriage but its improved now we get respite.

Anonymous
My husband walked away said if couldn’t love his son like his other children.then we moved abroad to start afresh and he up a left me a my son there with no money we had to come back to britain were still struggling to settle but did it alone love my son

Anonymous at 8:01am July 7
also what worked for me was-self happiness and fulfilment,autism is tough and I realise I can only get so much out of my husband..I learnt to find fulfilment in variety of stuff and make the most of time with husband when I get it..

Anonymous at 8:02am July 7
You have to find a support system and Make time for each other? Is there respite care where you live?

Anonymous at 8:03am July 7
I’ve gotta agree with Karen….I think the main thing that keep’s me and my partner together is the fact that neither one of us could cope with our son alone…A sense of humour definately help’s. We don’t have a marriage so to speak but we do have a family that need us to keep going. We have 4 kid’s so even without Autism i think it might have been tough. It’s definately got harder since our youngest son has been diagnosed as being on the spectrum also!!! There never seem’s to be an end to it sometime’s!! x

Anonymous at 8:07am July 7
it has actually bought us closer together. No-one understands what you are going through like your partner. We celebrate every little milestone and support eachother thru tough tImes. doesn’t mean we dont argue though. The best advice i can give is to make sure you make time for eachother. i have a great mother in law who looks after the kids occasionally. Two to three times a year we go away for a night. this has really helped keep us sane and reminded us of why we fell in love in the first place. If you cant get away for a night, then make it a movie or dinner. You really need to invest time in your relationship and give yourselves a break. It’ll give you the energy you need to handle the stress of raising a child with asd

Anonymous at 8:30am July 7
I am a single mom. He does’t even visit the two with ASD. He can’t handle them.

Anonymous at 8:31am July 7
I am in the process of leaving my husband. He couldn’t really cope with my daughter, his step daughter. He was so hard on her, told her off all the time and treated her differently from her brother (his son).
She told me that she felt that he didn’t love her, he hated her and that he didn’t want her around. I couldn’t live with someone who made my daughter feel like that!

Anonymous at 8:41am July 7
chrissie so sorry to hear that, hope you find someone who will embrace your daughter. Our kids are special and they teach us so much, its his loss

Anonymous at 8:46am July 7
wow that is so relevant for us now…we have been married for 20 plus years…and now that ourautistic son is older and his younger sisters are in college things hafve changed.I found getting involved in autism support groups have helped. My husband never really accepted our son and his limitations re sports and such.talking helps…If he cant listen,screaming doesnt make it any easier.You have got to find your own peace together or apart whatever will make you happier.your strenghth is what your disabled child needs

Anonymous at 8:48am July 7
My daughter is already so much happier knowing that we are going. She knows it may take a while, but she’s glad that things will be more settled and she can live a happy life without worrying what he will say to her.

Anonymous at 8:54am July 7
Extremely difficult but we are still together after 16 years and 5 kids but only barely. Two kids with disabilities.

Anonymous at 8:56am July 7
we have three kids, two with asd……we find that you have to be on the same page, as far as learning, discipline, etc……i am the main person who takes care of the funding etc, but i always let my husband know exactly what is going on……each person needs to have a say

Anonymous at 8:59am July 7
we had been married 9 years when we split, our son is now nine and copes well that we are happier apart. Whether our son’s condition was to blame, who knows? but I cope well on my own and have a good support system around me. Still have a good friendship (some of the time) with my ex.

Anonymous at 9:15am July 7
My husband and I are still together, but it is really difficult. We have two children, both diagnosed on the spectrum (although very high functioning), and he has a very difficult time relating to them, understanding their difficulties, and is very resentful of me and my time constraints. I have left my job to care for both my children, which also puts financial pressures on us that we did not have before. I think we stay together because we just don’t know what else to do or where else to go. Not really a great reason, but, it works for now I suppose.

Anonymous at 9:20am July 7
We have a six yr old with autism and we have been married ten years. We are a good support system for each other. I work on his days off so one of us are always with the kids. It has been a struggle but we try to be on the same level with things and comminicate.

Anonymous at 9:21am July 7
I hear you on your post – we’re not divorced either but our marriage is not what it should be What keeps us together is the love for our son and knowing that our relationship is important to him and knowing someday we will have proper time to expend energy for “us”…..Of course financially one of us has to be home so that is a strain as well. There are no other options other than for one of us to be home because our son is our #1 priority. You do both have to be on the “same page” with treatments, discipline, etc. Wow, what a great question this was and interesting to read the responses. Thanks John…

Anonymous at 9:28am July 7
We are still married but it is hard. We fought at lot at first because we were both scared and not sure what to do. The more we learn the better we communicate. Sometimes are better than others but we try to support each other and take our time together where we can get it. Our son is our # 1 priority

Anonymous at 9:31am July 7
we would be divorced if I had stayed out of the fight for our son. I think the marriages that make it are the ones that have a singular goal (i.e. that’s our child and what are we gonna do about it?) Kim got me on board by giving me a fight. she said the government and doctors and big companies did this to your son! what are you gonna do about it? that’s all I needed, nnow…like I always say, she’s the warrior mom and I’m the pissed off dad. Our marriage couldn’t be stronger….except the ALONE time:^)

Anonymous at 9:42am July 7
Does anyone know the divorce rate for parents of a child with autism?

Anonymous at 9:42am July 7
It is hard to stay married. Especialy because the leisure time is almost gone on my part. My husband does what he is able to, unfotunately it is not much. He is also on the spectrum and depressed since our son was born and worsened after his parents died. What makes us stick together? Only determination on my part. I did make it clear though that it has to be liveable for the three of us. As soon as one of us suffers on a daily basis because of the other this marriage will exist not longer.

Anonymous at 9:47am July 7
It is not always easy being married regardless of whether you have a child on the spectrum… My son seems only to be able with one adult in the house at a time and would take out his anger and frustration towards my husband until he could no longer take the pain and hurt of being rejected. He doesn’t see his son now but life indoors is much improved behaviour wise… but tough doing everythign on your own…

Anonymous at 9:49am July 7
still married and muddling our way through to happiness. So we all know there is stress involved with raising a child with autism, its when we forget who our teammate is, that we get sucked into the “me world” and lose sight of what we really want, that being a happy life for our child and our selves. I’m the stay at home parent, so i can relate to those who have this fulltime job. Just remember why you got married and what plans you had before kids, than think about what plans you made when your child was born…point is that Autism doesnt ruin marriage, we do.

Anonymous at 9:54am July 7
Dean..omg..ditto..

Anonymous at 9:57am July 7
I think the last divorce rate was at 85%…. but that was also last year.
We are still married… and just surviving day by day.

Anonymous at 10:07am July 7
My younger daughter’s neurologist (non-ASD, but other disabilities) said the the divorce rate for couples with a child with a neurological disorder was 70 percent with 2 years of diagnosis. Not sure ASD specific percentage.

Anonymous at 10:13am July 7
I imagine it’s one of those things that either bring you closer together or drive you further apart. We have been fortunate that we are more together now, bonding, in an odd way, over helping our son – and our nt daughter. I can’t imagine going it alone, and I’m sure neither can my hubby. thankfully, we’re together, but our time alone is very limited. Stressful, but we like to take the small moments and make them meaningful. A good support systems is also helpful.

Anonymous at 10:25am July 7
Dr Phil had a show and said 60% of marriages end in divorce.

Anonymous at 10:28am July 7
i read about a study done by easter seals that said the rate was actually only about 30% and that the reason for the divorce as autism was only about 1/3 of those

Anonymous at 10:28am July 7
my husband and i recently divorced, but we had problems before and beyond our sons autism. those were the issues that really led to the divorce, autism just added to it.

Anonymous at 10:47am July 7
My ex could not handle that 2 of his 3 children have special need(completely different special needs for each child) and decided he should be peter pan(and not have to grow up and deal with anything), so I left the abusive marriage. Facing another court battle end of July

Anonymous at 10:47am July 7
My husband and I have been married 11 years. When my son was diagnosed 6 years ago it did put a strain on our marriage. Realisitcally, this is a life altering time which calls for greiving. Greiving for the child you dreamed they would be, removing all expecations of who they may be. We still have struggles, my son is higher funtioning through IBI and we know we need” us time”. That is a challenge when you don;t have supports in the community or family. We were fortunate to have that. We also have a strong faith in God and pray together every day. I have read the previous postings here and it gave me a chill because that could have easily been us. It motivates me to pay more attention to my marriage and take the time it needs. I wish all of you the absolute best in your lives and for your children who are as much a blessing to us parents as we are to them.

Anonymous at 11:06am July 7
We divorced. He couldn’t handle the stress even before she was diagnosed. She showed symptoms it seemed at birth. Intestinal problems, sensitivity to touch, light & sounds. We split up just weeks after she was born & tried to reconcile but was disastrous. Unfortunately, I think it was for the best. Now she has wonderful support from all my family, friends & the community.

Anonymous at 11:39am July 7
We’ve been married for 19 years. I agree with Dean…autism dosen’t ruin a marriage, we do. We are a team, and with healing our son, we are healing the damage autism has done to our family as well. My husband loves his family and me so much, and I really make a HUGE effort not to take it for granted, no matter how tired or frazzled I am. My book to remind me how to treat my knight in shining armor?…The Proper Care And Feeding of Husbands.

Anonymous at 12:28pm July 7
My husband & I asked ourselve this question about why?? the high rate among family w/autistic children. & we concluded that it may happen because the couple (at least one of them) doesn’t have clear understanding that this moment isn’t about “you”, but about our children. Even though Autism causes so much frustation & stress, it also bring a lot of beautiful things. We have learned to enjoy every moment (even the smallest) of our life. Autism maked us better people, better parents, & better couple. We have been married for 17 years & our son is just only 4 years old.

Anonymous at 1:44pm July 7
take each day at atime,dont blame each other,its not antones fault,u r blessed to have an autistic child not cursed,talk every day have lots of breaks together and apart.